At least he has a place to go…

My daily exploits with the homeless border harassment but I try to be nice until they "take me there" so to speak. Here are two recent highlights…

Scene #1: A few weeks ago…

---- Coming up the McPherson Square Metro Escalator and grabbing the free newsra, and fiddling with my umbrella ----

Homeless Lady: Well sir you look nice today.

Me: Thanks.

Note: Never look the homeless in the eye nor have an extended conversation; they will steal your soul.

Homeless Lady: Are your going to read that paper?

Me: That is why I got it.

Homeless Lady: Can you spare 83 cents?

Me: 83 cents? No.

Note: everyone knows I have a 'homeless allowance', but contained therein is a variance for bullshit requests and anything too specific (e.g. 83 cents) is a bullshit request.

Homeless Lady: Oh, you think you are better than everyone else!!!

Me: No, just better than you because you are homeless.

Homeless Lady: Fuck You!!

Me: As good as story as that would be to tell, I'll pass.

Finally I got my umbrella up and walked away, amidst a random passerby who heard the exchange saying "Damn!"

Scene #2:

--- A flock of birds violently fly out of the groundcover and startle me to the point that I jump, but at least I refrain from screaming ----

Homeless Man: Ha ha, you scared of birds.

Me: Yes, they scared me.

Homeless Man: That is funny!

Note: This is where you have to be skilled in homelessness, or at least know how to fight. The homeless are crazy so you have to pick your poison, which you never know may include something communicable. This guy had a walking stick and was about 50 ft away, so I was good.

Me: Birds are nasty, filthy creatures…

Homeless Man: You just don't like birds…

Me: No, birds are fine. But I don't like you, and at least those birds have a nest to go to; you don't, because you are homeless.

Homeless Man: <silence>