Memory Monday 9.15

Originally Aired Monday May 27, 2002

Hey Folks.

how the hell have all of you been? i hope that you all have been well and keeping yourselves out of trouble, because i have been well but you know if there is mess to be found I will find it. So here is a brief update of the latest goins on in my life...

Bar Brawl

Now we all know that i am one to talk plenty of mess, and when it comes down to it I am not gonna fight unless i really really have to. Well my mouth finally caught up with me last week at a bar in Dallas. We all know I am a few good times down and I have made it from one Bar(JR's) to the another bar (Lime) across the street. I had some friends with me from out of town so I was trying to be a good kid and not get in any mess. So some context is needed so you all need to know this is a Sunday night and I had never been to Lime on a Sunday night. Well Sunday is “black” night I would say hip hop night, but that would not do it justice; there were 5 non-black people there and three are with me. Imagine if you will uppity black folk (mainly gay males) dancing to hip hop, with a few thugs in between. Let it be known that I do not enjoy a thug. I do not understand the whole mystique about the subculture. All I need you to do is pull your pants up and speak correctly. Most thugs are bitches in urban clothing, you slap one hard enough and a fake Louis Vuitton handbag will fall out of their cornrows.

Knowing there will be a “thug nation” here I try to convince myself that I will be fine. But, we all knew better. Well we get to the door and I begin to think, this is gonna be messy, real messy, real real messy. Me, a hispanic guy, and 2 white guys going into this bar, MESS!! Well I know just about everyone who works in this place so we head in get a drink and settle in. Well the music is BUMPIN, I mean straight from the Hip-Hop/Dance charts. It was moving.

As I surveyed the crowd I quickly realized I was far under-dressed, normally I would not care, but I was feeling froggy so I decided to jump. "Hey who wants to go change?", I asked. They all kinda looked and were like, "ok, Miss Diana Ross". So we ran back and i quickly decided that my good Italian friends (Dolce and Gabbana) would be my clothing escorts for the evening. SO, we get back to the club and the mess ensues. Granted we look like we belong in a Puff Daddy video all the designer mess we were wearing but it was all good. At any rate, we dance and we dance, we dance and we dance some more. Apparently I pissed this fool off because I was dancing too close to his man and he thought it necessary to have words with me, I was like it is crowded I am sorry. I thought that would suffice, well apparently not. He and his retinue wanted me to go outside and talk to them, I was like, "muthaF*cka fuh what? Why? I didn’t do shit to you so you need move on". Now that would have solved the problem if not for the fact that I am foolish. So as the music is bumpin' and everybody is jumpin' and i take my shirt off and spin it 'round my head like a helicopter (I was feeling cocky -- and I am a little more muscular than days gone by), so I was like I can take these fools. So I got to the restroom and when I come out I 'round the corner and the song starts ... "... move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way, I said move...." any way I walk right through this little group as the chorus blared over the speakers. They were all like I know he didn't. So the ring leader goes, "look bitch we need to go outside." I said, "WE don’t need to do shit (those of you who know me know I love to stress a “WE”), but you need to go outside and b/c the stop light out front is broken (bitch had on red, yellow, and green)". This messy fool went and raised his hand up and pointed at me and before he spoke I said, "touch me and you won't last long, don't let the outfit fool you I will kick yo ass". Fool touched me and I took out the baguettes (aint nobody messing up the diamonds) and popped his bitch ass right in the eye. Now all his boys who were talking shit just stepped back and I gave them the 'what now?, what now ?', they just walked out, fucked up face in hand and I was like ya'll ready to go because they are gonna come back and shoot us. Needless to say we left and I have never been back.