That is some nasty shit...

It is too much for me to attempt to make this a nice culturally sensitive post. It is going to be far too much. But here it is. I don’t like nasty ass people. I don’t like people who don’t clean up after themselves. I don’t like people who don’t have enough control over their ‘mantool’ that they don’t piss on the floor. I just got to work and all I wanted to do was take a pee in the sweet bleach smelling serenity of the 8th floor restroom. NEGATORY. Some nasty, shifty, shady, piss pot needy no sanitary habits having, bitch pissed all over the floor like they were trying to put out a 3 alarm. Now that is some nasty repugnant shit. You a grown ass man. If you cannot handle your flow, get some damn FloMax, or stop standing to pee. Nasty MuthaFuckahs!!

What really gets me is I know who the culprits are. They are from across the hall. In Camp Polio. The office suite across the hall that has been aptly named because an usually high number of people with limps work there. Now I am very observant and aware of the physical maladies that manifest in my presence because I am not trying to catch anything. So I call the office Camp Polio, because there seem to be too many maladies to be counted.

I have thought this through and here are my internal battles:

Statement:

‘scooter, maybe they are really Polio victims!?!’

Answer:

‘they need some iodine drops, a Rotary Club, and a referral from Dr. Salk; and after all that they need to learn to piss’

Statement:

‘scooter, maybe they cannot help it ?!?’

Answer:

‘who gives a fuck? When they feel the piss on their feet they should know they did something wrong, and if they do not they need more help than I can provide”

Statement:

‘scooter, maybe it is cultural or religious?!?’

Answer:

‘huh?, to piss on the floor? I have never heard of the land of Piss-On-Tile and further more… I don’t know the church of St. Piss on the Floor either, where the hell is that?’

Statement:

‘scooter, maybe they were injured by mines and cannot stand at the urinal’

Answer:

‘what? , muthafuckah, what? Muthafuckah, why? Honestly, this may be viable and I deeply hurt in my heart for anyone injured by the injustices of global conflict …………………………… BBBBBBUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT …………………………….. I cannot help it that Princess Diana did not make it to clean up said mines before she met her horrible demise, but this I can say, she would not approve of piss on the floor, and neither will I’

Conclusion:

There used to be a sign up that was fashioned by a coworker that said “please do not urinate on the floor”, and surprisingly there was no piss on the floor. What does this mean, these people know they are on notice. As they should. Given that the sign was duly taken down after about 2 weeks one would think they went to piss rehab. But you wanna know what happened? Today I go to the bathroom and it is Lake WannaPissYa all over again. I mean really, take your shaky legged, Jonas Salk Needing, Land Mine dodging ass to a stall sit the fuck down and piss.

You are nasty and your whole family has been disgraced by your actions. Nasty Raggedy Bitch…I would tell you momma but she taught you how… Nasty Bitch.