Life Lesson... Crazy bitch!!

So I figured out today that I have a few things that I can share with the world. So here i9s your lesson for today…. Don’t call a black woman a bitch… they will go old school crazy..

Black Women are gangsta, so don’t piss them off…. Old School Gansta kind of Crazy

Warning: This cannot be universally applied to all women.

A Crazy Bitch is different than your run of the mill 10th Street Bitch. So with that said, I remember a story from my cousin Yolanda from before she got married and shewas gangsta. She was pregnant with her first child (the wrong way) fathered by some hood rat ass man. Turns out they got in some crazy twisted argument over the phone. It just so happens I was in the “ATL” this particular weekend so my time was spent shuttling her 3rd Trimester ass all up and down Peachtree and Dunwoody looking for Hoody McHoodkins. No such luck. That night though, I figured out that Yolanda is a crazy bitch. She is Old School Crazy.

She gets a phone call on her cell phone and it is “Hoodie” they get into an argument and he calls her a “bitch” and hangs up. Here is the problem. He could have called her anything, and I mean anything. He could have called her a 22 dollar “ho” and there would have been less drama; but no, he called her a “bitch”. Absorb this shit like you are a sheet of Brawny --- You would rather slap your mama open handed with your ring turned inside than call a black woman a bitch --- Now pause and re-read that shit until you understand it.

Now that you understand that, you will see why I said that. Some black women, not all, but some have multiple personalities. I think all the women in my family do. Because when they get mad there is a scary calm that comes over them.

You want to catch Osama Bin Laden? (and you are bereft of crack heads) Tell my cousin he called her a bitch…. FOUND, $10 MM please…

Back to the story, Hoodie not only called her a bitch, he hung up in her face. Now I am not sure which is worse but when he hung up she looked at the phone like it was broken and was just mumbling “I know this muthafuckah did not hang up on me…. I know this muthafuckah did not hang up on me… I know this muthafuckah did not hang up on me” Each time gradually louder as she fiddled with the phone as though it was broken. Now when you witness some shit like this occurring don’t stare, in fact ignore it altogether until you are addressed by name, this is no time for an intervention. Remember that or there will be a trial for involuntary manslaughter and you will be the victim in question.

So after he is done mumbling she says, “Scooter we gotta make a ‘run’”, now up until then I only thought that Yo (as I call her) was hood, but when you go for a ‘run’ in a car, that is some UGK/Public Enemy s hard core Explicit Lyrics shit. Anyway, I ask no questions and I drive on this ‘run’ to Hoodies house. I drive in slilence because she begins mumbling “…. I know this muthafuckah did not hang up on me…” all over again, and me I just think it is good to live. So we get to his house, and she looks at me and says “o.k. this is how it is gonna go down, I am gonna go around back to this window and I will be back out in 5 minutes”, then I screwed up and spoke and said “uh no, I am not trying to go to jail behind some ignorant shit like you and Akbar (I call him that because he is Muslim) fighting, besides your pregnant”… Now she bypassed the more rational comment about going to jail over her and Akbar’s shit and jumped right into, “why you all in my pregnancy, you need to be supportive, you family… BLAH BLAH BLAH…” there was so much neck rolling and finger popping I just conceded and ran around back with her (like a damn fool).

It was like I was the cameraman from Cops chasing behind a crazy pregnant woman. We get around back, she sees he is on the couch playing PlayStation (not 2 or 3, just the old school white Playstation) and she walks up the window slides open that shit like she the Police. She goes in slaps him like he a punk, and then says “yo mama’s a bitch and don’t hang up on me no more”, turns around (here is the kicker) bitch climbs back out the window. THAT IS OLD SCHOOL CRAZY!!! She looks to me and says ‘let’s go’. Needless to say I was slackjawed, but I got in the car and drove back. She turns to me in the car hits me in the arm and says “why you let me do that crazy shit, I am pregnant”

She a crazy bitch. Old School Gangsta Crazy!!